Just Sit Down and Take a Breath!
So far, I have participated in two markets and have had two very different experiences. Not so much at the actual market, but the prep for the market.
The First Market:
The prep for the first market was chaotic. I sat down the week before and worked out a plan. I’d shop and bake cakes on Monday. I’d make icing and prep the jars on Thursday. Friday was for the coffee cake and packing the car. Scones would be baked early on Saturday (scones are soooo much better day of). Sounds like a pretty good plan!
But…I am not a detail person. I can be when I need to be, but I have to work hard at it and even then, there is always something that I forget about until last minute. It wasn’t until that Friday, the day before, that all the details of packaging, labeling, table set-up, etc., started populating my brain. And then at 8 pm on Friday, I realized that I had no cash for change!
And queue the negative self-talk of “why do I always do this?” and “why didn’t I think of that before?” or “why didn’t I plan better?” The why-do-I-always-do-this was the primary spiral of the night before and morning of.
All of this and my son was not napping well, my husband had some work things pop up, and I was trying to balance my part-time job and my sanity on top of it all.
I did not like it. It was not fun. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do it again…
The Second Market:
I learned from the chaos of the first market that I needed to plan a bit better. Primarily, I needed to plan the details. And I needed to be realistic with my time, remembering that I have other things going on, not just baking on those days.
The biggest thing though was the anxiety. I have struggled with anxiety for about 4 years now. I know what it is because it sits in the back of my throat and constricts my breathing. In fact, I feel it right now as I am typing. I felt this anxiety the first go around and pushed through, working harder and faster. My energy became more and more frantic as I worked, causing me to make mistakes and ultimately, making everything take longer.
The anxiety was back. Not as strong as the first market as I knew a little more what to expect, but it was there. And this time I stopped. I pulled back. I took a break. When I felt it rising and my desire to move faster grow stronger, I did the opposite. I sat down, set a timer for 5 minutes, and focused on taking deep breaths and noticing God with me. After those 5 minutes, I was ready to reengage. My anxiety had calmed, my frenetic energy was lessened, and I was more able to think through the details. I could also handle those last-minute details well without spiraling down the hole of why-am-I-this-way self-talk.
And I liked it. It was fun. I wanted to do it again.
Long ago, I had learned that space and silence are good for me. Space and silence allows me to take a step back from the moment, reconnect with myself, my body, and, most importantly, with God. Too long without this and anxiety and negative self-talk spirals are all too frequent. It also significantly effects my husband, our relationship, and our child. It shouldn’t be a surprise to me that I still need this in my life today.
Because I do and I’m convinced that we all do.
