Finding a Rhythm
I have been trying to find a rhythm for life. Well, I’ve been calling it a rhythm, but, if I’m honest, it’s a schedule. Not the nitty-gritty, detailed schedule (I would feel so suffocated), but rather like a weekly schedule. Like I would bake on Mondays & Thursdays, grocery shop on Wednesdays, go to the gym on Tuesdays & Fridays, family time on Saturdays, and we would do a meal plan for each week…etc.
Life feels scattered and chaotic with the business, my one year old, and my husband who works in ministry. Then you throw in unforeseen circumstances or sickness! So, maybe if I find the right rhythm, things will feel less chaotic, smooth, and even safe.
Safe.
That’s it right there. I have been craving safety and for some reason, my brain thinks that a good schedule will bring safety…Hahahahahahaha! How silly!
The reality of this time is that there is no good consistent schedule and if there was, I know that I do not thrive with routine and consistent schedules. I find them boring and I will switch it up just to have a little excitement. So, why do I think that a schedule would suit me? Hahahaha!
Okay, now that I’m over laughing at myself, back to safety, the real issue!
So, what does safety and stability look like at this time in my life? I have some thoughts about this, but they are scattered, so I will try and pull them together for the sake of brevity and clarity.
First, I have some safe, stable areas of life. I have a safe, stable husband and home. I have a few safe, stable friends. So, leaning into these areas and letting myself feel safe in my home and with my friends or my husband will maybe start to scratch that safety itch.
Second, maybe there is a way to find a life rhythm without having it mean “schedule.” Maybe the rhythm is more a mindset or how I approach each day or moment (or wake window, ifykyk).
I was recently challenged by my Spiritual Director in this way. We both were sensing that my will to add more or find this magic schedule was encroaching on hearing and following God’s voice. She told me that she just saw me standing at the sink and asking Jesus what the day would hold. This resonated so deeply with me and for the past 2 weeks I have been practicing this and it has been so life-giving to let go of some of the expectations that I have for myself and that I feel from other moms or social media. It has been relieving, freeing, and fun!
This brings me to my third thought…Practicing presence. When I am leaning into God in the moment (actually called “Practicing the Presence”), I find that I am able to be more fully present to the details of the moment. Or when I practice the Presence, I am able to practice presence. Being connected to that which is ultimately safe and stable (Jesus) allows me to be more fully present to whatever is in front of me. I can be grounded and engaged. I can see the joy, the pain, the small specks of life, and I can find myself and the moment in the big picture.
As I’m typing this, I see myself as water. Flowing where I need to go and knowing that I will continue to flow even as the path curves, dips, comes across rocks, whatever. I can rest in the flow of the presence of God. The rhythm I am finding is to be with God as He is with me.
I have had this revelation before! Several times in fact. So why does it feel so novel to me? As the seasons of life shift, I have had to find my footing in Christ again and again, sometimes in a new way and sometimes in similar ways as the past. But each time, it comes a little quicker, a little easier, and maybe one day a shift in my season of life won’t compromise my sense of safety with the Lord and I am able to remain in him as He remains in me.
