Just “Following My Instincts”
Two weeks ago, I had just finished visiting a local bakery when I felt discouragement stirring. All that night it was there. I didn’t give voice to it, but it was there, lingering in the corners of my mind and in the heaviness of my heart.
The next morning, as I got up early, baked some scones, headed to the market, I felt off and didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to talk to people or smile or answer questions. But, I needed to, so took some deep breaths and talked myself through it. I told myself I didn’t need to smile all the time or carry on conversation with everyone that came to my booth. I just needed to be present both to myself and to those that visit my booth.
As I arrived at my booth spot, I greeted my neighbor and it immediately was clear that they were having a harder week than I was. Their response seemed to shut down any invitation for interaction and it had felt like another blow of discouragement.
The next hour and a half, I was working on staying out of the spiral that discouragement can bring. It was not working…in that hour and a half, I had the thought to build a commercial kitchen in my basement and the thought that I should quit and find a part-time job along with 17 other thoughts about what I should do with my business.
When I arrived home from the market, the flood gates of my thoughts opened and poured out to my husband (bless him). In the middle of my ramblings, I realized that I was troubleshooting and coming up with solutions to a problem that I had not fully defined. So, I took a step back, I grabbed a sweet, a cup of coffee, and my journal and I sat with Jesus for a bit. After some deep breaths and a continuation of ramblings now written in my journal, I was able to slow my mind enough to bring some clarity to what was going on underneath.
I was disappointed in how the business is going, specifically, how markets are going. I gave breath and space to this issue and all the emotions that came with it. I let all the troubleshooting and problem solving go and I sought the Lord. For ultimately, I want to follow and honor Him in everything I do, including this business. In the peace and gentleness that is the presence of the Lord, I heard him say, “Follow your instincts.”
After a few breaths of frustration (what the heck, you were supposed to tell me what to do!), I looked inwards and asked myself what I thought I should do. And in the safety and clarity of the Lord, I was able to dream a small dream and remind myself why I am doing market season in the first place.
I am doing market season to get out in the community, make connections, and be known. My small dream is to have the business at a place where I do not need to do markets. Where I am known in this community as a baker of delicious goods (this could look so many different ways!) And I also want to get to that place in a healthy way for me.
All of this has led to a few tough decisions that I made:
I will be pulling out of a few market dates this summer, to ease my schedule and allow for more creativity and space. See my social media or events page for updates.
I will be adding and taking away some products at markets. This is to figure out what people in the community are looking for and to keep things financially and energetically sustainable.
I will be working to move customers toward my online platform, where they can order as they wish.
I will be exploring other directions the business could go outside of markets. An example of this is my upcoming cake decorating classes that I have scheduled in collaboration with local businesses!
There is no nice bow to tie up this post. It feels a little open ended, which is fitting as that is where this business is right now. I’m not sure where it will end up, but I am allowing myself to be present for it all.
